Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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