There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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