it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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