you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
