I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
