Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
