I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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