it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
