no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
