That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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