***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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