none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
