i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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