speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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