I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
