After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize