what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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