my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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