I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
