I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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