he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
