I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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