i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
