So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're like the curious george of whores
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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