Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize