do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
