I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
