i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
