Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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