Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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