im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A+ Viking dick
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
