Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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