Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
