haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
