No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
