How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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