butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
