You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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