Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
