from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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