Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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