if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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