literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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