Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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