Need sex. Gaining weight.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
