you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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