Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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