Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
