I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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