he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
