so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
