so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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