The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
