I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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