thus making me awesome and them whores
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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