Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
