The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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