I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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