dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
