My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
