Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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