If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
