I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
