Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i have two assholes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
