Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
