You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
