Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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