Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
