I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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